The worst kind of courage
by Hellen Lou
Summary: In time of war Harry needs the worst kind of courage


The worst kind of courage

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Harry needs the worst kind of courage.

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Ron ushered his sister out leaving a raven haired boy to sit with his own thoughts inside the tent. 

Ron and Ginny had promised Harry everything would be ok, they always did. Harry would face Voldermort and kill him thus saving everyone and that no one else would die.

And for a time Harry believed it, he wanted to believe it… in a way he convinced him of the truth of it. The war would end when Harry killed Voldermort and everything would be ok.

However Hermione always remained quiet, nodding and smiling when she had too… but she was the only one who kept Harry's gaze, she never looked away when the comfortable lies were told.

Hermione remained behind… to impart some last defence spells to Harry at least she had told the others that. Instead she stood before him with her arms folded tightly across her chest.

"Harry…" Hermione bit her lower lip, her eyes darted away for the first time as though it seemed her thoughts confused and worried her. Her mind was battling with something she had to say but knew she didn't want to.

"Harry… Ron is wrong, about how everything is going to be ok" Hermione told him firmly her eyes reclaiming the gaze she had refused to give up with the lies.

Harry watched her feeling more tired then had in all his eighteen years… no he had always been tired now he was exhausted.

"Hermione its ok… I know it's going to be tough going against Voldermort but it's what I have to do" Harry assured her, his false smile flickering to his lips but dying just as quickly, it always did around Hermione… and it seemed she never minded.

"No Harry" her lip was used to chew her confusion out once more and she finally took a seat beside him.

Her gaze wavered only once more before she looked at him firmly; the years were finally showing in her young face.

"Ron was wrong about the courage you need… he talks about the courage to lead people into war and fight" she stops when she sees the angry boil up in Harry. Shaking her head quickly she swallows hard.

"I know you have courage Harry, you have the courage to lead an army and face Voldermort. Ron is lying to you when he says that everyone is going to be ok… you need courage Harry to lead people to war… to lead those people to their death" Hermione broke off when Harry shot her a look but instead of saying anything he stood and paced. The anger was making his limps move, this was a conversation her never wanted to have.

"Harry I could lie to you and tell you that you will save everyone but the truth is… not everyone is going to live and you are leading those people… Harry everyone is trying to give you courage to lead the fight but none is giving you the right courage" Hermione stated causing Harry to finally stop and stare at her.

He still remained silent hoping she would stop but not having the strength to make her.

"And I don't think you understand the courage you need… Harry you have to lead those people out their in to war and you have to have the courage to ask… no order them to die. You will order some of them to die Harry… including me, Ron, Ginny, the twins and everyone else you hold dear. You alone need that courage Harry because you have to… because you alone have the right to ask those people to die. Not for you but for this world" Hermione blinked the tears away causing Harry to look away.

"I can't" came the whispered response but Hermione still heard it, standing she closed the distance.

"Harry… I know you want to face this…to admit this but you need that courage, you have to be ready to send people to their death… you have to sacrifice some people" Hermione whispered never looking away from Harry who dropped his gaze.

"I can't ask that Hermione… I meant to be their hero" "you're not a hero Harry" Hermione stated quickly making Harry look at her and study her. Hermione tried to smile but she knew it would be pointless.

"You're a leader Harry… Heroes save the day they save everyone. You're just a wizard who has to lead an army and face the greatest evil known to our history.

On the battle field you are the only one who has the power to ask that… of us all" Hermione stated before she hugged him tightly, but received no embrace back. She knew it would never be easy to tell Harry the truth but it had to be said.

"The only way we're going to win this Harry is if you understand that you have to sacrifice lives for the greater good" and with those last words Hermione let go and strode to the opening. No more words were needed, even if Harry would never accept her words out loud or even accept her any longer the words were planted like seed and they would grow in his mind until he had to make those choices.

"Hermione" the solemn voice made Hermione stop and look back to her best friend. Harry stared blankly at her for a moment before lowering his eyes.

"I won't sacrifice you… anyone else but you" Harry's words echoed around her mind for a few moments before Hermione walked back to him and embraced him once more pressing tender kissed to his temple and hair. Harry buried his hands into her hair and fought the sobs.

"One night Harry… cry this one night and no more. Voldermort deserves none of your tears" Hermione ordered giving Harry one last squeeze and went to step back but Harry held to her tightly the hot tears already falling into her shoulder.

"I'll make the sacrifices I need… but not this, stay with me now and I'll sacrifice what I need to" Harry ordered as Hermione sighed and ran her hands across his back.

"Even me" she half asked half told. Harry stiffened then slowly pulled back looking deep into her chocolate brown eyes with his watery emerald eyes. Slowly he nodded not once embarrassed by the tears.

The night moved swiftly to dawn and Hermione kept her promise to stay with Harry just as he kept his promise to keep his. The courage was the worst kind any one person should ever have.

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But as the battle faded into history and Harry cradled his wounds he didn't cry, his courage was strong within him… he made the sacrifices he needed to make, he ordered those who he loved and cherished to their deaths. But the world of the light won, darkness faded away as light reclaimed its hold.

Harry never wept when he buried those he loved and those he respected… he never cried when George buried his twin brother or when Luna Lovegood buried her father and mother.

Harry didn't cry when Ginny Weasley was laid beside her older brother, Harry didn't cry when Ron once again asked what was happening before returning to his own world that he would never escape from . When Remus was last lowered into his grave Harry felt a hand gently wrap around his, a familiar hand that he never had too look at. For he knew Hermione would never let go.

"I kept my promise" Harry whispered watching the last of his parent's friends receiving the goodbye he deserved.

"Hermione… you gave me the worst kind of courage, one I never wanted and will never want as long as I live" Harry bit out squeezing Hermione's hand tightly… probably a little too tightly but Hermione said nothing instead watched the graves before her.

"And all those who lived… in some place deep down will be grateful for that… but I never will, I will never forgive you Hermione for that" Harry told her firmly finally looking to her seeing unshed tears glistening in her eyes.

"But I will always love you too… to an extent I kept my promise to you… I sacrifice those I needed too but you, I never sacrificed you I never would" Harry admitted looking away not letting go of Hermione's hand.

"And for that Harry, I'll never forgive you… but I too will always love you, I always will" Hermione replied her voice tense with the sobs churning in her chest. Silence returned to the pair.

Years would pass, people would move on… new lives created for those who were lost when Harry and Hermione would return to these graves.

And only these words were ever spoken between the two at this place.

"You sparked the worst courage… but gave the best strength… you gave me love" the raven haired man marred by years would utter to the woman with bushy cinnamon hair standing beside him.

"We all made a sacrifice that day Harry… mine was losing you… I lost that part that never forgave me" the woman replied and the two returned to silence before they turned and left their words among the dead returning the free world hand in hand.

The end

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This probably sucks but I had a need to write this... please review, I'm at your mercy. 


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